I Saw Her Standing There: Part 4

As I slid the folded paper back into my pocket, the pastor asked for her vows. Her sister, standing closely behind her, reached out with the handwritten vows, passed them to her, and she read:
I can't remember the first time I saw you. Some people have a clear memory of the first time they met the one they love, but not me. I'd like to think it's because in some way, somehow, you were with me all along. In second grade when my mom dressed me up like a bride. Junior high, when boys were scared to ask me to dance, did they know I was destined for a better guy than they were going to be, so they gave up right there on the spot? The moments I had in high school with my dad consistently proving to me what a man is, and who a man is. Teaching me to be patient. All of it was for you and without my dad's wisdom, I may not have recognized you. But I know you. You are a good man. I can see where God is shaping you not to be just any husband, but my husband. And that's why I am so confident in our relationship. God is and will be our foundation, our rock, our shelter, and our source of strength no matter what good things, bad things, sad things, great things, memorable or forgettable things we encounter from here on. And second to the Lord, I will count on you to be my strength. To be my shield. You've proven to me your love, and don't need to prove it anymore because I'll see your love every day in the way you live. When you love my family, you love me. When you love children, you love me. And if you love to laugh, you love me. If you love compassion and humility, you love me. But if you don't love Jesus, you don't love me. However, I know the proof of our love is this day. These rings. The ceremony and the vows we're taking in front of God. In front of my family, yours, and our friends, I give you my undying faith, my love, and my life. You have the best of me and as if it ever needs to be said, I am yours. From the moment I walked in here, no, from the moment I was born, I was made for you. I just wish you would've found me sooner, because then I could have loved you longer! But for the rest of our life together, I look forward to loving you well.

I Saw Her Standing There: Part 3

I didn't know when I first saw you all that would come of our relationship. I didn't know how any girl after you just plain missed the mark, unable to achieve the height of the bar you set. I didn't know the road I'd take and that this road... it didn't include you yet. You were my friend. And that was all. Meanwhile we both tried to make other relationships work that ended without success. And our friendship grew. Our roads slowly came closer. As if we were driving in a heavily wooded forest, only noticing the trees around us and not getting glimpses of each other through the blurring forest. Had I known how this story would go, I may have done things differently. I may have thought a little more about where the road was going. And thought less about the trees I saw because they were actually hiding the whole picture. God made us for each other. That's the masterpiece. And once we both saw that what God had designed was good and was here, well there was no turning back. And now as I stand in front of you, I want to be everything you need me to be as a husband. When you need to cry, I'll get the tissues. When you need to laugh, I'll try to be funny. When you just need a shoulder to rest on, I'll wear multiple layers. When you want to be crazy, I'll scream in public with you. If you need to wrestle, I'll be Hacksaw Jim Duggan. If you need the truth, I'll open up the Bible. If you want to sing, I'll be your audience. If you want to walk around, I'll put on my shoes, too. If you're hungry, I'll cook dinn-- I'll go pick up some Mexican food. If you want to talk, I'll listen. If you want to listen, I'll talk. If you want a challenge, I'll race you. If you feel unpretty, I'll read poems I wrote about you. If you feel unloved, I'll hug you and tell you I love you. If you need your space, I'll be gone. If you need to have fun, I'll take you to the beach. I'll do my best to be what you need and what you want. The problem is, I will fail. As hard as I'll ever try to be perfect for you, I cannot be. I will make you mad. I will annoy you. I'll do things you don't expect. I'll get frustrated and have a hard time explaining why. I will never love you as much or as good as God does. But even in my failed attempts, there are two things you can count on: one, that Jesus is our life and two, I love you like the ocean. I am not perfect, but our marriage will be with the Lord's help and blessing. I am your husband. I know you love me and I love you so much. There is nothing in your past that scares me, nothing that makes me doubt your love for me. And because of that, I trust you with the rest of my life and you can trust me with the rest of yours. You are safe with me, and when you feel like you're up against the world, know that they'll have to go through me to get to you. I promise to love you when it's easy. To love you when it's hard. To love you when you expect it, and when you least expect it. I am your husband. You are free to let your guard down and be yourself. You've proven to me that God is most important to you, and I hope I've proven the same. And with my commitment to God, I also commit myself to you. It will never be me versus you, but from now on it's us versus them. And I can't imagine ever being happier about that than I am right now. Can't wait to take on the world with you, to live the rest of my life with you, my best friend. I love you.

And this is what I read aloud when the pastor asked for my vows.

I Saw Her Standing There

Silence. The pause between background music that in a few long seconds will become the soundtrack to a scene I never forget. The doors at the far end of the center aisle open. In that moment, I realize the doors were not only letting someone in, but also letting out my past, my mistakes, my misguided want, my aimless wandering. Because the room I'm standing in cannot hold both hope and despair, happiness and dread. There's not enough space for blame and guilt and when those doors open, all that's in my history of missing the mark exits. In the doorway stands the proof that God loves me. She stands next to her father (who puffs out his chest, not too much, but just enough for people to notice, because he's so proud of his daughter). He suspects that she found a man that might possibly love her more than he does, that will make her laugh, and that will serve her well. He knows very soon the time will come to give her away, that's why her life has been flashing before his eyes all morning.

The music begins to play. A bagpipe?? Yes, a bagpipe! (It was the groom's only wedding request, so everyone just goes along with it). Her mom stands up and turns to see her walk towards me. The crowd rises in wedding tradition and elevates the emotion and worth of the moment. I glance over my shoulder to see my brother. He sees in my eyes that this moment, this is a big moment. The only other time I remember a glance like this from him was about 10 years ago after we won an intramural softball game...

You see, earlier that same day I wrestled with how I could contribute to the softball team. We were in the playoffs and I wanted so badly to help us win. And by helping us win, I mean play in the game and do well. But up to that point I was pretty much just a reserve player. Only playing in games that were already won or lost by the time I got in. So I prayed for humility and decided that if all I could do was cheer on our team, I'd cheer the loudest and longest. However, late in this particular playoff game, with the score still dangerously close, the captain put me in at center field. Soon after the inning started, I caught a fly ball for the third out of the inning. In the bottom of that same inning, I was up to bat. I hit a single and that single allowed the winning run to cross home plate. We won the game! While we were still celebrating the victory, I looked at my brother, the star short stop. He was smiling and he was shaking his head, such a proud look as if to say, "you see what God can do!?" That was the glance.

And now here he is, my best man looking at me and smiling with his proud look, saying the same thing, "you see what God can do!? You are hitting a homerun this time!" I would not trade that look in this moment for anything else. Nor would I trade what I see next. This unbelievable creation walking down the aisle, with her sparkling white dress, her cute smile. In this moment, I know that I will never want anyone the way I want her.

End of part 1. Come back August 1st for more!