Myself Already Knows I'm Not O.K.

"...tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please.

Myself already knows I'm not O.K."

--Bill Ray Cyrus, lyric from 'Achy Breaky Heart'

I have a habit of collecting quotes, wise statements, various song lyrics that move me, make me laugh, or that I've made up. One line that's caught my attention recently was this line from "Achy Breaky Heart." Say what you want about the song, the truth is it was a gigantic hit that's probably still covering the cost of cable and internet in the Cyrus household. And fountains, and flat screens, and gasoline and breakfasts and lunches and dinners and their NES electricity bill. I don't want to converse on whether the song was a hit (admit that you have it on a CasSingle and let's move on). This lyric is so simple and yet reaches pretty deep into the human experience. Think of the struggles we have as people, as a whole, and individually. As Reese Witherspoon once said, "we each have our own set of problems." Whether you're rich or poor or somewhere in between, you have problems. A rich person's problems are different than a middle class person's problems, but what they both have in common is this: problems. And part of the solution (and the CAUSE) is found in discovering who you are. How long do you think it took for Billy Ray Cyrus to learn he was "not O.K"? And then how much longer till he was able to come to grips with that discovery? When a person stops blaming external factors for their problems, but accepts that they themselves are "not O.K." and the problems are most likely born internally, well that's a step in a good direction.

A direction that may lead to freedom, a happy life, and a hit country song.

I Saw Her Standing There: Part 4

As I slid the folded paper back into my pocket, the pastor asked for her vows. Her sister, standing closely behind her, reached out with the handwritten vows, passed them to her, and she read:
I can't remember the first time I saw you. Some people have a clear memory of the first time they met the one they love, but not me. I'd like to think it's because in some way, somehow, you were with me all along. In second grade when my mom dressed me up like a bride. Junior high, when boys were scared to ask me to dance, did they know I was destined for a better guy than they were going to be, so they gave up right there on the spot? The moments I had in high school with my dad consistently proving to me what a man is, and who a man is. Teaching me to be patient. All of it was for you and without my dad's wisdom, I may not have recognized you. But I know you. You are a good man. I can see where God is shaping you not to be just any husband, but my husband. And that's why I am so confident in our relationship. God is and will be our foundation, our rock, our shelter, and our source of strength no matter what good things, bad things, sad things, great things, memorable or forgettable things we encounter from here on. And second to the Lord, I will count on you to be my strength. To be my shield. You've proven to me your love, and don't need to prove it anymore because I'll see your love every day in the way you live. When you love my family, you love me. When you love children, you love me. And if you love to laugh, you love me. If you love compassion and humility, you love me. But if you don't love Jesus, you don't love me. However, I know the proof of our love is this day. These rings. The ceremony and the vows we're taking in front of God. In front of my family, yours, and our friends, I give you my undying faith, my love, and my life. You have the best of me and as if it ever needs to be said, I am yours. From the moment I walked in here, no, from the moment I was born, I was made for you. I just wish you would've found me sooner, because then I could have loved you longer! But for the rest of our life together, I look forward to loving you well.

30 Things I've Learned In 30 Years

On December 26, 2008 I turned 30 years old. I wanted to search through all of my journal entries, but I didnt have that much time, so I spent a few days compiling a lot of the thoughts and lessons I learned, the heart behind much of my journal writing. So I've chosen what I think are the best 30 and made them into this list. I'd love to hear your thoughts, reactions, stories, or objections to what I list, thanks for reading! (also, I attempted to put these in order of my life, from a child, through high school, through college and through my early years as a working professional, all the way up to 2008.)

there's nothing like growing up with my 3 best friends and a great beagle.

that I'm special. My mom taught me that when I was very young.

that one way I could make my mom happy was to bring her flowers, especially purple ones.

when my mom says she'll put my dinner in the sink unless I stop fighting with my brother, she means it.

I understand why "the great generation" was called "the great generation" because I've watched my grandparents MomMom and Pop and MeMom and Granddaddy.

I've learned that things change (I remember vividly saying that I can't imagine not watching cartoons on Saturday morning).

fighting fire with fire is not the best gameplan. Fighting fire with water is better. My brother was a wrestler in high school, and while my strength didnt match his, I found that laughing while he was twisting me around was the best retaliation.

my sister Shannon talks directly to God in a way I've never seen or heard of before.

that women like my mom and sisters are rare. hidden gems that once they are found, are treasured.

if the choice is between a good friend and a girl, always choose the friend.

when my back is against the wall, I fight; I like it that way.

life is less about about what happens to me and more about how I react to it.

it's ok to have a bad day.

people with so-called mental disabilities are often happier than the rest. I think those of us without physical or mental challenges are the ones missing out on something.

I never knew what people meant when they said that children will change your life, but I know now... it's a gift for me to be an uncle.

I've learned that Heaven is probably a lot like St. Teresa Beach, FL.

that I'm a little strange, isn't it great??

I've learned that I'm just like my father, and if in the next 30 years I remind myself of him, that would be a great accomplishment.

that I'll never be stronger or cooler than my brother, but I'll always be taller.

there's nothing else on this earth as quite as beautiful or nearly as frustrating as a woman.

when I'm hungry or sleepy, I can get cranky.

My parents taught me to use "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" and in doing so, they taught me respect. I will do the same when I am a dad.

I've learned that it's ok that I don't know anything about cars. Does knowing about exhaust manifolds make me a man? I mean, really? I take my car to the dealer when something goes wrong and take it to Super Lube for an oil change.

the only thing my failed dating relationships have in common is me.

I've learned that simple living prevents headaches.. and helps me sleep at night.

I don't regret having regrets.

that I will look back and hold deep in my heart the many fishing trips I have taken and will take with my dad. But especially the trips where we caught a fish!

that one of the best late night snacks is a bowl of honey nut cheerios.

when I was 27 in Nashville, TN, I watched the Runyeon family celebrate the life of Carol Ann Runyeon, and I will never forget the way they rejoiced about her life and her legacy.

going to Vietnam with my sister and brother in law changed my life.