Sunday, January 3, 2010

95 Movies in 2009: Reaction to the Bottom 10

85. Backwoods (2008, Marty Weiss, R)
Don't rent it. I got it from Redbox, and apparently Redbox accepts d-level movies as ones they can vend to consumers. The story was surpisingly complex and somewhat original, which made me upgrade it from an F to a D.

86. Martian Child (2007, Menno Meyjes, PG)
I tried my best to get connected to this film. I genuinely wanted to be moved by the story, but never was and I don't think it's my fault. It sort of feels like they had a great attempt at showing John Cusack's character grow into a hero, but then when I actually think about the movie, the story, the dialogue, his relationship with the "martian child," I'm left with an empty, unfulfilled question mark. The bottom line is that the makers of this filmed wanted the viewer to be moved, and I, as a viewer, was not. Words that come to mind are: forgettable, regular, emotionless, and unconnected. There were a few likable characters in this film, but for me, those did not include John Cusack's or the Martian Child. To explain my lack of fervor for this film, in the final scene where the ultimate decision is being made by the child, I would have been fine if he stayed with his dad (John Cusack) and also would have been just as fine if he was zapped up to Mars. I was sort of hoping for an alien encounter (and I don't even like alien movies), just so there would be something more interesting happening on screen. Yippee! Aliens! But you'll have to watch the movie to find out what really happens... or save yourself 2 hours (which you can use to watch one of the top 10 films I saw in 2009).

87. The Haunting In Connecticut (2009, Peter Cornwell, PG-13)
Supposedly based on a true story, these kind of spirit-filled ghost movies do little to frighten me. Not saying I don't scare easily, but other-worldly beings never seem realistic to me, because I've never seen one. The scary movies that actually scare me are the ones that are relative. Something that can easily happen, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Shining, and Life As A House. Ok, Life As A House was scary, but for a whole nother reason. Why they made that movie, I don't know.

88. Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia (2009, Tim Matheson, R)
My recommendation? Read the synopsis on the back of the DVD, put it back on the shelf and save yourself $4 and 2 hours. This is the third in the "Behind Enemy Lines" franchise, and guess what, third time is NOT the charm. There is so much I can say about this movie, I don't know where to start. It was no where near the quality of the first "Behind Enemy Lines" (starring Owen Wilson). From the cheesy one liners (that aren't even bad enough to laugh at) to the unconvincing characters and dialogue, this movie was as formula as you can get. Perhaps because it was a WWE Production, and yes I mean the wrestling WWE. Mr. Kennedy (a WWE wrestler), who played one of the main characters in this film, either needs to brush up on his acting (with a gigantic brush) or simply stick to wrestling, where I hope he has more success than what I saw in this movie. I'm just disappointed to see that the first "Behind Enemy Lines", which I liked so much, has fallen down to the level of this third one. However I did like the second one (Axis of Evil). Not sure what the difference is between the three (possibly having 3 different directors), but whatever it is, it needs to be fixed before a 4th film disappoints even more.

89. August Rush (2007, Kirsten Sheridan, PG)
Why Robin Williams? For a character that is serious, why Robin Williams? A pretty corny predictable movie. There were a few songs that I liked throughout the movie, but not enough to watch it again when I could be sleeping. And unless the young kid had 3 hands, there's no way he could play the music he was playing. Either that was bad editing, or they wanted us to think he was a mutant.

90. Step Brothers (2008, Adam McKay, R)
I thought this movie was ehh, so so. If you've seen other Judd Apatow movies, you've seen them all. Nothing new in this one. Vulgarity, language, typical attempts at humor. But if you like his other ones, you will like this one. At least it had a good ending that gives some sort of satisfaction. If you end up watching it, I consider it pretty darn close to a waste of a couple of hours UNLESS you watch it with friends or watch it while you eat dinner or dessert. Then at least you are multi tasking. If you don't watch it, consider yourself 2 hours ahead on something else.

91. Life As a House (2001, Irwin Winkler, R)
Is it 4pm? Did I just get home from school? Did I just turn on PBS? Is this an after school special? Or an after school punishment! "Life As a House" is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. In any movie, most character arc's take a long time to happen, nothing happens overnight. In the beginning of the movie the character will be a tough angry person, and near the end we'll see that they've changed their ways. But the son in this movie changes faster than a politician seeking office. To me, it was more like a soap opera than a movie, with all the sleeping around, the forced one liners, and the unreal circumstances. There were some good parts to the movie, but the best part of the movie was seeing how bad it would get. I will admit, it was memorable, that is for sure.

92. The Goods: Live Hard. Sell Hard. (2009, Neal Brennan, R)
For a movie that was striving for shock value, I'd say this one... failed. Hard. Actually I was shocked at how bad it was. How's that? Are there no true comedies anymore? A third grader could have written this movie, and actually I would prefer the 3rd graders because at least it would have some creativity and imagination to it. For a movie that has the word "hard" in the title twice, it looks like the script was easy to write. It was dumb from the get-go. I'd be shocked if it ends up on the top 100 list of any critic, and even more shocked if someone who sees it once, sees it twice. Its a disappointing contribution to American film-making, and worries me about what Hollywood thinks America enjoys watching. Perhaps if they got out of LA they'd see there are actual humans living in America that don't laugh when someone names a male body part (although the scene of Will Ferrell skydiving was pretty funny). But DO NOT see this movie, it's hurrendous, a waste of their time and money, don't make the same mistake they did by wasting your time and money. Take an extra 5 minutes and choose a different movie to see, finding a better movie will not be "hard" to do.

93. Year One (2009, Harold Ramis, PG-13)
Mildly humorous, and by mildly I think I laughed 3 or times. Year one is not even worth dollar one. Waste-oh time-oh.

94. Gone, Baby, Gone (2007, Ben Affleck, R)
I wanted to watch this movie because Ben Affleck directed it. Unfortunately, I didn't like it. However, if you like cuss words and not feeling happy about anything, then this movie is for you. Even when the story was wrapped up, I still didn't feel good about it. It's a similar idea to "Man On Fire" but it paled in comparison. Take everything "Man On Fire" did right out of the equation, and then you have "Gone, Baby, Gone". In fact, to compare them I feel like I'm cheating at something. So for this movie, I highly recommend watching "Man On Fire" instead.

95. Miss Castaway (2004, Bryan Michael Stoller, unrated)
I suppose there was a reason this movie is ranked #86 on IMDB's bottom 100 movies. What I can't figure out is how the 85 movies above this one can be any worse. I don't plan on finding out, that's for sure. If I were to narrow down which parts of the movie I liked the least, I'd say it was the beginning, middle, and end. If I had to narrow it down. It was painful. I laughed once.... I think. The special effects were not special, the comedy was simply not, and the whole movie... I can't. I just can't keep talking about this movie. I feel like I'm wasting even more time than the hour and a half I already wasted. If you have the opportunity to see this movie, run.

1 comment:

  1. Ha! Yeah, August Rush was such a disappointment. Really poor use of Robin Williams.